LOSE YOUR SOUL by Toby Mac lyrics
(Kirk Franklin spoken intro)
Man I wanna tell ya'll something, Man.
Man I'm not gonna let these material thing's get in my way, ya'll.
I'm trying to get somewhere.
I'm trying to get somewhere,
That's real and pure and true and eternal.

(Song)
Father God, I am clay in your hands,
Help me to stay that way through all life's demands,
'Cause they chip and they nag and they pull at me,
And every little thing I make up my mind to be,
Like I'm gonna be a daddy whose in the mix,
And I'm gonna be a husband who stays legit,
And I pray that I'm an artist who rises above,
The road that is wide and filled with self love,
Everything that I see draws me,
Though it's only in You that I can truly see that its a feast for the eyes - a low blow to purpose.
And I'm a little kid at a three ring circus.

I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.
I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.

(Mr. Franklin, Step up to the mic sir)
The paparazzi flashes, and they think that it's you,
But they don't know that who you are is not what you do,
True, we get it twisted when we peak at the charts,
Yo before we part from the start,
Where's your heart?
You a pimp, hustler?
Tell me what's your title,
America has no more stars, now we call them idols,
You sit idle, While we teach prosperity,
The first thing to prosper should be inside of me.
We're free...
Not because of 22's on the range,
But Christ came in range, we said yes now we changed,
Not the same, even though I made a fall,
Since I got that call, no more Saul, now I'm Paul.
(YEP!)

I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.
I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.
Don't wanna walk away,
Don't wanna walk away

(Mandesa singing)
How do I sense the tide that's rising?
De-sensitizing me from living in light of eternity,
How do I sense the tide that's rising?
It's hypnotizing me from living in light of eternity,
How do I sense the tide that's rising?
De-sensitizing me from living in light of eternity.

(Lord what we gonna do,We're relying on you,
all eyes are on you Lord,
all eyes are on you, all eyes are on you Jesus.)

I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.
(Don't let me lose my soul, my soul.)
I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
(This is my honesty, Father, won't you cover me.)
I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
(Don't wanna walk away, and all those people say)
I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
(Don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose my soul.)

Lord forgive us when we get consumed by the things of this world,
That fight for our love, and our passion,
As our eyes are open wide and on you.
Grant us the privilege of your world view,
And may your kingdom be, what wakes us up, and lays us down.
(Hallelujah, Don't wanna lose our soul,
No, Don't wanna lose my soul.)

Hey excuse me,
I'm looking for the after party,
Toby,
Haha, yeah, last door on the left, you'll hear it.
Thanks,
No problem.

Don't let me lose my soul, I never wanna walk away,
I don't wanna lose my soul,
No, no, no.
Don't let me, don't let me, lose my soul,
I don't wanna walk away,
Don't let me walk away,
Na na na na no,
Don't let me lose, my soul,
I'm never gonna walk away.

Eepybird's Sticky Note Experiment from Eepybird on Vimeo.

and this is how it was done

a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVFNM8f9WnI&feature=channel"

This was filmed at the Liverpool Street Subway Station in London Jan 15, 2009. Only the dancers knew what was happening; the general public didn't have a clue what was about to unfold.

What is astounding to me is that NBC is not going to show it during the superbowl. To be honest, I just caught the headline, didnt read the article. But the headline said enough and that is too bad, because I think it packs a powerful punch...but I think that is the point, maybe it is too powerful of a punch. The video addresses many of the *so called reasons* many use to have abortion. Although I know there are *other* reasons people use as well and I suppose they *could* confuse the issue, if you let it.

I will start with the most objectionable issues, the case where a woman has been raped or been a victim of incest. These are horrible wicked and wretched encounters that no woman should EVER have to endure. It is a sin that God would never want perpetrated on any soul He has created, period. And if life comes from that moment, understandably it becomes a very, very difficult issue for sure. I would never diminish the anguish of such a moment in a woman's life, never. Yet. to turn around and compound the wicked choice of one, by making a choice to eliminate the life being created...I dont have the words.

All I know is that if I start from the premise that God is the author of life, then no matter what circumstances the life was created under, it has a right to exist, by God's divine ability to be the only one who creates life. He is also the only one who could possibly take such a moment in any persons life and turn it around too. No one says that a soul needs to keep the child, there are plenty of couples looking to adopt. I am not saying it is an easy choice either, so do not misunderstand me. It could be made endurable and possibly a healing one, with counseling and a good support system. One that turns one person's sin, something very wrong and should never have happened, into beauty. Easier to write about than live, I give you that, but not impossible, there are many who have made these choices, inspite of what has happened to them. They refuse to be a victim and refuse to victimize another innocent.

Now, the statistics of THIS actually being the reality for the MILLIONS of babies aborted since 1973, is extremely, extremely small, LESS than 1% of abortions are due to rape, incest or endangerment of the mother COMBINED, LESS THAN 1%! That is absolutely mind boggling when there have been MILLIONS upon MILLIONS taken from us *legally* since then, for reasons that had nothing at all to do with rape, incest or endangerment. This means that the masses who have chosen this direction, have done so, for reasons that are bottom line selfish and sinful, based on choices that should have never been made to begin with. Sin begetting sin. I am sorry if that bites, but it does. And we have helped, by using the arguments of the smallest possibilities and neglecting the reasons of the largest percents to abort. Something is seriously wrong with this picture, seriously.

We talk about protecting a woman's life, saying that she should have the *option* to get a safe abortion. HUH?! So we are suppose to pay to help someone commit a sin safely? Well, I want enough money to get out of debt, will you help me rob a bank, safely? And just who is worried about the life within her being safe? No one who is pro-abortion...cuz that is what it really is, it isnt pro-choice, that is just the *code word*. They even dumbed down the issue to make it *easier* on the conscience, it isnt really a baby, right? Well, if you want it, then it's a baby, but if you dont, then it is a fetus. *rolls eyes*

And for those who do think it is a baby and are torn about the mothers safety when she goes to get an abortion, how about dealing with what led her there to begin with instead? How about really protecting both lives? one that should never have an abortion touch her precious, valued by God body and the other that has absolutely no choice or say in the matter? There may have been many sin choices that led to a pregnancy, but we do not kill the evidence of that choice so we do not have to deal with it. If you made the choice, you have to be grown up enough to make other life choices, ones that do not compound your sin...or the sin that happened to you.

Truly and sadly, only God knows the true number of souls that have been murdered, not only in the US, but around the world. And to compound our own culpability, we are going to be funding abortions around the world again, with our tax dollars, with one stroke of the freakin pen! Abortion is NOT a contraceptive option, conception has ALREADY occurred. How in God's name could we not know that there is blood on our hands?

Did you know that the number of abortions performed in the US since 1973 is approaching 50 million??? And those are the ones that have been accounted for. To me, not an easy number to read, and an even hard one to comprehend. It literally makes my stomach churn...I cannot even imagine the anger God feels about this. I found a way to wrap your brain around it, someone had already done the thinking, so here ya go. If you add up the populations to the following states, they equal about 50 million.

* Kentucky
* Oregon
* Oklahoma
* Connecticut
* Iowa
* Mississippi
* Arkansas
* Kansas
* Utah
* Nevada
* New Mexico
* West Virginia
* Nebraska
* Idaho
* Maine
* New Hampshire
* Hawaii
* Rhode Island
* Montana
* Delaware
* South Dakota
* Alaska
* North Dakota
* Vermont
* Wyoming

Proverbs 24:10-12 "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter. If you say, “Behold, we did not know this,”does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?"

And this would be incomplete if I did not include this. There is NOTHING that God is incapable of redeeming, NOTHING. Sin is sin, it separates us from Him. We have ALL sinned. And we ALL need saving. It doesnt matter if the sin was yours or the sin was against you, it is redeemable, it is. No one says that is easy, but it isnt impossible. With God nothing is impossible, nothing. And there is NO sin that cannot be forgiven, NO life that cannot be restored and NO soul that God isnt WILLING to redeem. We are the ones who need to see that, believe that, and receive that, in order for it to take affect in our lives. One person DOES make a difference, I may not change the course of this tide, many of us may not, BUT it is important that we stand up and BE HEARD, for we serve and audience of ONE, and that DOES matter, for eternity.

Peace out...

MIRACLES ARE HAPPENING IN ISRAEL!
By Dena Gewanter, M.D., Kiriat Yam, Israel
Abundant Hope International

Ok this is just astounding to me! I praise God for this man's obedience to follow the prompt in his heart to do what seemed impossible to do. God opened the door.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That was the case yesterday when I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to do something that in my mind I knew could not be accomplished. When we notified the Capitol Hill police of our intentions they told us in no uncertain terms we would be arrested for our actions. Yet, in obedience to what I knew to be a divine prompting, I proceeded, along with my colleague, Rev. Pat Mahoney of the Christian Defense Coalition, to the Capitol Building…and there experienced a miracle.

It just so happened (as it so often does for people of faith), when we entered the Capitol complex we met Congressman Paul Broun of Georgia, in the hallway. Congressman Broun is a dynamic and unapologetic Christian. I told him what God had prompted me to do. He immediately agreed and joined me, along with Rev. Mahoney and our chief of staff, Peggy Birchfield, as together we held a prayer service inside the US Capitol that included anointing the doorway President-Elect Barack Obama will pass through on his way to the platform to be sworn in as the 44th president of the United States on January 20th.

To see this brief but powerful prayer and anointing service, please click here.

Anointing with oil is a rich tradition both in the Bible and in the history of the US Capitol. Oil symbolizes consecration, or setting something apart for God's use. George Washington used oil during the dedication of the US Capitol. We used the oil to set apart the walkway and doors that will be the literal right-of-passage for Barack Obama as he ascends to the highest office in our land. Bear in mind this is one of the most cordoned off and highly secured sites in America. It is virtually inaccessible. Yet, there we were, holding a consecration service in obedience to God – the very thing He had placed in my heart.

Rep. Broun delivered a short sermon-like talk on the need to obey God and His will, and for the future president to do what is right. I read Bible passages and applied sacred oil to the doorposts of the arched doorway leading out of the Capitol and onto the inaugural stage, immediately in front of the riser where Obama will stand with Chief Justice John Roberts who will administer the Oath of Office. Rev. Mahoney read a powerful inaugural prayer by Dr. Billy Graham, delivered 40 years ago.

Congressman Broun referred to the location of the prayer service as "the doorway that (President-Elect Obama) will enter through to start of his presidency."

That doorway has now been consecrated and anointed for the purposes of God.

You and your friends, family, and fellow church members can now join us in prayer for our nation and the transition to a new administration by simply watching the video and praying with us.

The more people who watch this video, the more powerful it becomes. That’s why we also need you to forward it on to as many people as possible.

If Christians across the nation will join together in prayer, I know God will “hear from Heaven and heal our land.”

Please watch this amazing video yourself by clicking here and then forward it on to your family, friends, and fellow church members so together we can raise our voices to God on behalf of our nation in an act of repentance and dedication.

Your missionary to our nation’s leaders,

Rob Schenck

Faith and Action
109 Second St. NE,
Washington, DC 20002
202-546-8329
www.faithandaction.org

How stunning is that? At the end of this piece are links to articles and a short video of the young man. This news has hit my heart BIG time. To think that the Living God has reached down and claimed this mans heart as his own, called him out of the radical life he knew, away from everything his life was based upon, his beliefs, family and society, placing his life in direct opposition and in jeopardy from the very people he comes from. Yet when he came to Christ, he was grafted in, old things are passed away, behold all things become new. He believes that his conversion can lead millions out of Islam to Christ! And so do I.

God used a place that usually hardens a soul, to soften it and give him eyes to see. Because of the brutality of his own uncle, not to his own life, but to the lives of others, while in prison, he had a crisis of faith. He understands and admits that the goal of Islam on the WHOLE is the destruction of Israel, which is why peace between Israel and any Islamic nation will not occur. As he stated, it is not about one crazy person, it is about a whole ideology. That ideology is ingrained throughout family, schooling and society, it is not compartmentalized, like too many already do with God in their lives.

He was invited to read the bible, the reading that changed him?  Love your enemies. He had never heard of such a thing! He understands that you can speak truth and still love. He clearly shows that in this interview. I have heard it said and I agree, that God's love isnt a pampering love, it is perfecting love. It knows the truth and speaks it, even if it hurts. Love knows the hurt part resides only on the side where rebellion or pride reside.

He ended up re-studying the Koran in light of new perspectives and God showed him the truth. He states that Islam is the most bipolar religion on earth, expressing the inconsistencies in the Koran and how they would use it to validate the jihad and violence. He boldly states that Islam is a drug, the Koran is not the word of God, powerful words that even evoke fear in my own heart for him, as I write this. Strange reaction for sure, but I am stunned at this young man's bravery. (and it shames me as I think about my own battle to step out) Surely, the holy spirit is empowering him. I watch him and my soul burns, part of me wants to be him, knowing that what he has to say has the power to call millions of the lost from the grasp of satan's snare. The other part, afraid for him and praying for his protection, knowing that God is in control of his precious life.

As I see the video of baptismal, I weep with joy over his soul and the hope that his coming to saving knowledge of Christ will bring a whole lost religion out of darkness and to Christ, in a way none have, but God thought about. What a calling, what a burden this young man has been given...I think of Esther, "how do you know that you are not here for such a time as this?"

This man has risked his life for Christ. Let's pray for his protection and that salvation reaches and call millions out of the house of Islam.

Fox Interview:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,402483,00.html

Fox Video:
http://www.foxnews.com/video2/video08.html?maven_referralObject=3016344&maven_referralPlaylistId=&sRevUrl=http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,402483,00.html

Article:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/middleeast/palestinianauthority/2613399/Mosab-Hassan-Yousef-son-of-Hamas-leader-becomes-a-Christian.html

So it is a new year, 2009. Wow, cant believe we are 9 yrs past the big y2k thing! *snicker*  So we have been talking about themes and every year for a handful of years now I have gotten a word about what the year ahead would be. In 2006, I got it for both 2007 & 2008, years of completion and new beginnings. How that has transpired, looks completely different than what I thought it would look like at the time, but hey, God has His own thing going on right? Our job is to follow it. But I will say that the last 2 yrs look different that I thought those *words* would look like. And as 2009, hits us over the perverbial head, I get a silly song from one of those old Christmas classics from the 60's, yeah you heard me right...as crazy as it sounds the words are kinda amazing when you read them...I pray that I can really DO this when it comes to some things that are on my heart to DO.

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

You never will get where you’re going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there’s a good tail wind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule be the exception
A good way to start is to stand

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn
You mean that it's just my election
To vote for a chance to be reborn

So I have a friend who shared her theme about being brave and it reminded me of my theme in many ways, cuz putting one foot in front of the other for me is about the fear that hinders me from doing what God has put on my heart to do. I heard it said once that, you cant be brave unless your scared. It was then that I realized that the courage to be brave was about engaging in the battle with whatever the fear is. It doesnt ignore fear or not understand that it is involved...it just gathers up the God given strength we have been given and moves inspite of it. So as I pray that she is brave this year, I pray that I have the courage to be brave and put one foot in front of the other, to do what is on my heart to do. Even as I re-read the Nelson Mandela quote above, I need the courage to be THAT kind of brave...let me remember that as I get liberated from my own fears, others may as a result too, how awsome is that? Our lives are not just unto ourselves or just compartments isolated between us and God, but we ripple into one anothers lives, effecting them or affecting them, let my effect or affect be one for the glory of God...

Heck, maybe I will start blogging a bit more too. ya never know.

March 25, 2008

8.6lbs, 19.5in long

Isn't she beautiful!!??

 Natalie Rose

...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Psalm 30:5b

...even though our weeping may endure a while, this morning Nattie knew true JOY. 

I KNOW that being face to face with the LORD of LORD and KING of KINGS, she NO LONGER needs the faith that we sooo desparately need right now, for she SEES Him who has LOVED her and for His own reasons, beyond ours, has called her home.

To Him who is able to do abundantly ABOVE ALL that we could ask or think...we rest in You oh Lord and trust, knowing that You are in control of ALL that we dont understand and cant wrap our human brains and hearts around.

  We stand firmly before the throne, in all our emotions, loving and trusting You. 

Borrowed from StephanieG:

There is nothing--no circumstance, no trouble, no testing--that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose, which I may not understand at the moment. But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift up my eyes to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no circumstance will cause me to fret, for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is--that is the rest of victory!

--Alan Redpath, former pastor of Moody Church

Toronto Vineyard Pastor Repents for the Manifestations...

By Paul Gowdy, a former Toronto Vineyard Pastor(used by permission)

It has taken me nine years to actually come to the place where I would write this story. Part of the reason was because I was not fully convinced that it is appropriate to speak out against weaknesses in the body of Christ publicly. Another reason is because it has taken years of soul searching to become convinced that what happened in the Toronto Airport Church was actually all bad or at least more bad than good!

For the past number of years I have called it a mixed blessing. I think James A Beverly called it this in his book Holy Laughter and the Toronto Blessing 1994. Today I would call it a mixed curse concluding that any individual good that came from this experience is far outweighed by much harm and satanic deception. I suppose that therein has been my dilemma. I have tried to live my life in the fear of the Lord and Jesus told us that the unforgivable sin was the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. Attributing to Satan what was in fact a work of God. If pressed as to whether or not the Toronto blessing is all God or all Devil I will still be hedgy, but I am convinced that Satan has used this experience to blind people to the historical doctrines of God, to produce fruit in keeping with repentance, to failing to test and discern the spirits and failing to test prophecy.

After three years of being in the thick of the Toronto blessing our Vineyard assembly in Scarborough ( East Toronto) just about self destructed. We devoured one another, with gossip, backstabbing, division, sects criticism etc. After three years of 'soaking,' praying for people, shaking, rolling, laughing, roaring, ministering at TACF on their prayer team, leading worship at TACF, preaching at TACF, basically living at TACF we were the most carnal, immature and deceived Christians that I know. I remember saying to my friend and senior pastor at Scarborough Vineyard Church in 1997 that ever since the Toronto Blessing came we have just about fallen to bits! He agreed!

My experience has been that the manifestation of spiritual gifts mentioned in 1st Corinthians 12 was much more common in our assembly, before January 1994 (when the Toronto blessing started.) than during this period of supposed Holy Spirit visitation.

During 1992-1993 when praying for people we would experience what I believe was genuine prophesy, deliverance and much grace and favour from the Lord. After the Toronto Blessing started, all ministry time changed, the only prayers were 'More Lord MORE ', the shouting of 'Fire' the jerky shaking of the body with the 'ooh ooh OOH WOOOAAH' prayer. (I kid you not!)

On January 20th 1994 about 15 people from our church traveled over to Toronto Airport Vineyard in order to listen to Randy Clark, a Vineyard pastor from the USA. John Arnott had called our senior pastor to invite us. He communicated that Randy had been to the Rodney Howard Browne meetings and that the stuff had broke out in his church in the following weeks. John was hoping that something might break out with us too. We were only too happy to travel over. We were a church plant out of the Toronto Airport and we started in 1992. In those days there were three Vineyard Churches in Toronto. One Down Town church, Scarborough vineyard church to the east and the AirPort Church. We were one big happy family. Because we were small in number we did special meetings, conferences etc, together.

The year before most of our leadership teams joined and had headed to Nicaragua for a short term missions trip. We had genuine love and fellowship with each other. Since leaving the Vineyard churches I have read a fair bit of analysis from the critics. Some make out that the Toronto Blessing was one huge conspiracy to lead the body of Christ into heresy. Heresy and apostasy I suspect may well be the result, but none of these destinations were intentional. I am honestly convinced that the leaders in the Vineyard churches are genuine born-again Christians who love the Lord, but have fallen into deception. They have not loved the Lord enough to keep His commandments. They have failed to obey the scriptures and have been led astray by our longing for something bigger and brighter and more exciting and dynamic. I am guilty of this sin also. I have preached renewal in Korea, the United Kingdom, the USA and here in Canada. I am genuinely repentant and in writing this story I would ask you the bride and body of Christ to forgive me. Especially the Pentecostal / Charismatic Christians among you, for you are my immediate family theologically. I am an evangelical Christian, I always have been but I do not believe in the cessation of the spiritual gifts at the end of the apostolic era. I believe that it was my evangelical roots (my family are Baptists and I was born again in the Presbyterian Church.) that started to open my eyes to problems with this so called renewal. In hind sight I look back and think how could I have been so blind? I laughed at people acting like dogs and pretending to urinate on the columns of the TACF building. I watched people pretend to be animals, bark, roar, cluck, pretend to fly as if they had wings, perpetually act drunk and sing silly songs. How I thought that any of this was from the Holy Spirit of God amazes me today. It was loud irreverent and blasphemous to the Holy God of the Bible. I suppose in my mind I reasoned that as long as they did not teach any thing in direct violation to scripture then it was what we called the exotic. This is a buzz word for manifestations that could not be justified from a biblical perspective. I was taught from the pulpit that we had two options. The order of the nursery full of life and messy or the order of the graveyard, very orderly but dead! As a young immature pastor I wanted life with mess. I failed to remember that God wants us to become mature and grow up in him. I became disconcerted by the prophetic words that came forth especially one by Carol Arnott in which she had her bride experience where she was taken into the very presence of Jesus and said that the love that she experienced was even better than sex! I was shocked in my spirit and thought how can one compare the love of God with sex? When we suspected that demons were running riot in our services John Arnott would teach that we should ask are they coming or going. If they are leaving then that is ok! John would defend the chaos by saying that we ought not be afraid of being deceived, if we have asked the Holy Spirit to come and fill us then how could Satan come and deceive us? This would make Satan very strong and God very weak! He said that we needed to have more faith in a Big God to protect us than in a Big Devil to deceive us. This sounded very convincing but was totally contrary to scripture for Jesus and Paul and Peter and John all warn us about the power of deceiving spirits and especially so in the last days. Again we did not love God enough to obey His Word and the result was that we opened ourselves up to lying spirits. May God have mercy upon us!

Finally the penny dropped for me as I was rolling around one night 'drunk in the Spirit' as we would say. I started singing and as I rolled around the floor the Nursery Rhyme 'Mary had a little lamb its fleece was white as snow.' came to mind. I sang this in a mocking spirit and instantly my heart told me this was a demon. Instantly I repented and was in total shock. How could a demon get into me? Did I not love God? was I not zealous for the things of God? Was I not nuts about Jesus? I knew that an unclean spirit had just manifested through me and I was guilty of great sin. After this experience I stayed away from TACF. I did not go back there any more. I did not possess the conviction to denounce the whole experience but thought that we where failing to pastor the Blessing well enough.

Even after I stopped going over to TACF, I had to pastor the fruit of it. One example was when some of our people returned from a meeting there asking us if we had all received the golden sword of the Lord? I asked them what they were talking about thinking that it was some prophetic reference to the Holy Scriptures but they said, 'no, its not the Bible, it's an invisible golden sword that only the really pure can receive. If taken in an unrighteous fashion then the Lord would kill you. But if you are holy enough to receive it then you can wield this sword and it will heal aids, Cancer etc. and bring salvation. How one wielded this sword was by pretending to have this invisible sword in your hand and motioning to strike people with it when in prayer! I thought while even in deception at this time that the TACF had become Looney bins! This was purportedly first received by Carol Arnott and then given to the ones holy enough to receive it! Another thing was the golden fillings in the teeth. We had people in our assembly peeping down one another's throats looking for the gold fillings that God had placed there to show how much he loved them! In all my time there I only heard one message on repentance given by a visiting speaker from Hong Kong named Jackie Pullinger. It went over like a lead balloon. We were not there to repent, we were there to party in the Lord! After one year into the blessing I spoke out at a pastors meeting and said 'guys we have shaken, rattled, rolled, laughed cried and bought the tee- shirt. But we have no revival, no salvation, no fruit and no increased evangelism so what's the deal?' I was soundly rebuked - who was I to expect to see fruit when the Lord was healing his broken people? We had been legalistic long enough and God was spending this time restoring his wounded and freeing us from legalism I was told not to push the Lord and the harvest would come in his time.'

I knew this was wrong because the Lord had commanded us to go into all the earth and make disciples! Not, that everyone should take a sabbatical for who knows how long, while God does some strange new thing! Ultimately I left over something as controversial as the ordination of women. Personally I believe from scripture that women should not be pastors/ elders in a local assembly. I could be wrong on this and there is much debate in the Church today but that is my conviction and in the Vineyard churches they were ordaining all the pastors wives to co pastor with them. I am certainly for women in ministry but believe that the Elder/ pastor role in a local assembly has been reserved for men. I did not write scripture but God willing I will have the grace from now on to obey it.

So there is my story. I could go on and document much excess, folly, sin and latter day reign teaching that manifest from the prophetic end of this Blessing but others have already done that. We sang about Joel's army and the billion soul revival as if it were one of the Ten Commandments, and as always it was just around the corner. Next month, next year etc. Jesus said that when the son of man returns will he find faith upon the earth? And if he does not return when he does no flesh would be saved but for the sake of the elect he comes. This is a far cry from the domionism that is being taught all through the vineyard / prophetic/ spiritual warfare movement. I honestly think that they think they are going to take over the whole world! While in the Vineyard I embraced a life verse from the Apostle Paul the phrase do not go beyond what is written!

To finish I just want to say sorry for the damage, that I have personally done by teaching things that are not correct biblically. I repent before men as I already have before God. I will not excuse my falling into deception. I did not bother to test things when the scriptures commanded us to do so. Everyone who was there when this thing started knows that what I write is true, they would just come to different conclusions especially if they are still promoting the 'river!'

To those in the river I would say swim out, there are things living in the water that will bite you real good! I love the people of TACF and the Vineyard movement but I think that we have much to answer for and may the Lord open your eyes sooner rather than later. I suspect that when this letter goes online I will get bombarded by emails from both camps, some damning me for still believing in the ministry of the Holy Spirit and still walking in deception and some old friends damning me for exposing dirt or being negative about the Lords anointed! Well, the Lord knows my heart and by his grace he will guide me into all truth as I seek to know Christ and him crucified! If you believe that I walk in sin and error please pray for me that the Lord would forgive me and open my eyes. I will study the word to show my self a work man approved! I would call on all who read this to pray that the Lord would open the eyes of all who have been involved in this deception. Whether leader or follower, we are loved and the Lord is a forgiving God. He says if we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I believe we are like the church in Laodicea, we think that we are rich, have prospered and need nothing, we do not realise that we are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind and naked. We must take the Counsel of Jesus and buy gold refined in the fire (which is his suffering, not a false spirit!) white garments to clothe our shameful nakedness and salve for our eyes that we might see again. Jesus is calling us to repentance and thank the Lord that he is, for it will lead us to true restoration with our Father! If God has forgiven me and opened my eyes then he can do it for all those caught in deception too. I will finish with a warning from Paul, he says if you think you are standing firm be careful lest you fall.

I wanted to share with you what wrote for my sister to read at the Breast Cancer Body Image Workshop for the Arts for the C.U.R.E group she has gotten involved with since my experience and some of her friends have had breast cancer.

Let me start by saying that everyone’s story is their story and as a believer, hopefully it is a story of who HE is in them.

I have learned to never compare stories, we share, but don’t compare. Because honestly someone has had it worse and someone has had it better, that is life. We share our stories to give hope, encouragement, support...never ever to diminish what one or the other is going thru. What we are going thru IS NOT "piddily stuff"...it is big, it is serious and it is scary...BUT if we REALLY stop and think about it...we CAN’T be brave UNLESS we're scared, and everything any of us have stepped thru in our lives has required us to be brave...this is just one of them, right...?

My journey began in 1981 when I found my first breast tumor and continued thru last year when they found the last 3 bringing my 25 yr total to 12. In between the 9 lumpectomies and removing a triangle piece of muscle & tissue under my right arm because of a “suspicious” thickening, I endured severe endometriosis & polycystic ovary disease resulting in the removal of 14 grapefruit sized ovarian cysts, over the course of 5 surgeries (2 of which occurred within 5 months of one another) that ended by introducing me to menopause via a complete hysterectomy, at the ripe old age of 28.

So is it any surprise that when the surgeon told me that there were 3 tumors, instead of just the 1 originally thought was there, I pretty much broke down? Not really. Then he examined me. And while on the examining table, he says, “did you know THAT was there?”...well yes, but in the midst of everything, I forgot to mention it. I had walked around for probably a year and a half, taking the hands of my mother and my bestest girlfriends, saying “here feel this, is this normal?” So there it was, a thick mass in my upper chest wall…so now what?

All I know at this point is I can’t do this anymore, I can’t endure the fear anymore, the waiting anymore, the “is it cancer this time?” anymore. Every time a tumor showed up, my risk for breast cancer increased. I told my surgeon that I knew that some had it worse than me and that I had it worse than others and his response was to remind me that my risk for breast cancer was high and that he’d rather do a mastectomy on me than another lumpectomy. Well, now there is a thought…

So I decided to be proactive and have a double mastectomy and a Latissimus Dorsi flap reconstruction. I didn’t have a biopsy because I wanted to avoid more procedures and figured either we would be saying whew it was cancer and we got it or whew it wasn’t cancer and we beat it...My final diagnosis is breast disease, no breast cancer.

So why am I writing this? Because I do know the fear of that looming diagnosis, time after time after time. It was very scary, intense and trying every single time. When they found the last 3 tumors, something inside me broke, I had gone from lumpectomy to lumpectomy and then getting on with my life, which in many ways is healthy, but I never dealt with the risk factor, but these 3 made me stop dead on the tracks of my life and everything halted. Do I wait until cancer darkens the door of my life to justify doing something or do I not give it a chance?

What is the definition of a survivor? It isn’t merely someone who beats back a death sentence, by surviving some percentage of odds against them? Or can it merely be, at the base core of the soul, someone who chooses to live? Now God not withstanding, and so it is understood, I absolutely believe God has my life & times in the palm of His hand and is able thru ANY circumstance, to chose to call me home to Himself, but short of that, He allows us to make many life choices because of the gift of choice He gave us and one of them is the survival choice. A soul will fight all odds to survive, we have seen & heard MANY stories testifying to such and others where no matter how strong the will to live is, death comes anyway…this is the power of God. He is the creator of life and He decides our life & times, even if we do not believe in Him. So because I believe this, do I disengage from making choices to live? NO WAY! I exercised my gift of choice and I made the choice to live.

Can I tell you that the road afterwards has been all joy, the answer is no. It has been a strange journey, to say the very least. For one, I have found my femininity again, by being a fake boobed, no nippled woman…who woulda ever thunk that one up? Certainly not me! And even though I am eternally grateful for having had the chance to be pro-active, there has been the “who am I, what right do I have to share or speak, and the you cheated” thoughts and feelings that have and still are, even as I write this, clobbering my heart & mind, to the point of tears. There is a part of me that wants to stand up and say, “you bet ya I cheated; I cheated breast cancer out of the opportunity to cross my life path”! I want to stand up and scream I am a survivor! But the survivor’s guilt I struggle with hasn’t let me – yet. It is a strange phenomenon of issues for me to work thru; I don’t know anyone yet who has walked my path, so I can’t go ask, “Is this normal”? Maybe it is, maybe not, but it is part of my journey right now.

I know whom I have believed and I press toward the mark and will fight the good fight, saying here I am, always stunned to amazement that He will use one such as I...the story of my life...at least this part, to be able to comfort those with which, I have been comforted of God. Writing this is part of that battle, as is talking to women within my realm of influence fights the good fight. And as I am continually reminded of what my lovely Sissy told me one day, that what God wants to use me for and what is offered thru me, is not merely contained within the realm of this experience. I want to reach women out there who have been in my shoes and let them know, they aren’t alone. I want to touch and comfort those who have been diagnosed with breast cancer with whatever He has equipped me to comfort them with, I want us ALL to know Him through it, as we should know Him through everything on this journey thru life.

The point is, that what we each go thru is REAL and we FEEL it and sometimes REEL from it...I have not been thru the door of cancer, been right up to it, but not thru it...So, please don’t ever invalidate what you are going thru, on any level, by comparing it to or against what someone else is or has gone thru...all that will do is pit you against what you are going thru and what you would normally, naturally feel and need to feel, to rely on Him thru it all. Our outlook on whatever we go thru makes such a difference in how we go thru what lays before us. No matter how hard anything is, we WILL get thru it, just take one day at a time and remember that all of our days are written and God owns the book. Breathe, pray, trust, ask questions, make the best decisions for you that you can with the information that you gather and trust, trust, trust that the Living God of the universe sees you and KNOWS your every heart cry and seeks to answer it, with Himself. God gave me Psalm 18 condensed one time and it goes something like this: "He hears your cry, EVEN unto His ear, and He BOWS down heaven to deliver you, cuz He delights in you." This isn’t a promise that the worse won’t happen, but that no matter what happens, God goes before us and we can trust that.

I have come to realize that as I am able to share my testimony, that the moment of sharing does not indicate, in any stretch of the imagination, the length, breadth & depth of time it took to live it, die to it, & recover from it...nor does it indicate how much it cost to obtain its jewels, its nuggets of truth or its principles of wisdom...in its sharing, it sets up the listener to believe that all this occurred in a moment of time, when truly, it has taken my whole lifetime to write thus far...and because life is life, I *know* there is more to come.

So my dear new friends, I encourage you to stand, as hard as I KNOW that can be, so that you can get on with what is before you…with all the passion, strength, hope, and faith…for there IS a future...so together lets raise our swords of victory, adjust our badges of courage and press in to fight the good fight...for the battle is the Lords!

And because I am the woman God made me, I would be in error if I did not add one final thing, IF you do not know the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior, please come & talk to my sister or if you are reading this, you can ask me, and we will tell you how you can come to saving knowledge of Christ.

Thank you for your time and your hearts, I pray that the Lord lead & comfort each of you in all that is before you.

Happy New Year!

It has been a very rough start, had a bi-lateral mastectomy with reconstruction, alot of pain and still recovering...but GOD IS GOOD! ALL THE TIME!!!

 My Beautiful Daughter, Son-in-Love and GrandBaby...

Aren't they Beautiful!!! 

My Loving, Sweet & Darling Daughter is going to have a baby in October!!!!

I am going to be a OMA!! (that is Grandma in Dutch)

We are TOTALLY & COMPLETELY excited!!!! Praise GOD!!!