"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are CHILD OF GOD. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. and when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -- Nelson Mandela
I have been to your myspace at least a half dozen times, writing notes to you...missing you...wondering why in the world my heart feels so deeply and crys...I talked about you today...saying that the twos sides of me are at odds in this issue...my feelin side just feels it and responds with tears, no explanation necessary...yet my logical side, says this make no sense...in that yes, you knew her, but you didnt *know* her as many others did that would justify, explain or make sense of the tears I cry. But the logical side of me says nothing and reasons nothing, to either make the tears stop or justify the tears that flow...so I suppose I should just accept them, for whatever reason they are there and trust that God understands and knows and hears the deep of things within me.
You are soo missed, as I wrote on your myspace, even by silly girls who never even got to hug on ya...man every time I go there I cry...wonder why? Maybe cuz when I went that weekend, something about you, something within that hobbit house, something about sitting with your mom, hugging on your daddy, praying for your children, speaking into Wes's life, sharing tears with never met before friends, left an indelible mark upon my soul...and it changes a person. Funny thing is I dont know, if we would have ever talked as friends, or if we would have discovered some passion shared...aside from the ones I know about...God, writing and cross stitch, I would have liked to have found out.
I often wonder, if you could do things different, knowing what you know now, what would you do different? I also wonder, what our answer to that question would be in light of, what we think YOU know now...about us, God, friendship, family, people, ministry...and what that answer should make US do differently, now while we can?
I cant believe we are approaching a year. Time goes by so fast, it seems we can barely catch our breaths. I pray that your babies come to saving knowledge of Christ, that they grow strong in the things of God and I pray that Wes is strengthened as a father and also comes to saving knowledge of Christ and his whole household. You know, better than any of us, how vital that is...so more than anything I pray that for them. I look forward to meeting and embracing you when God calls me home, until then girl, save me a seat.